So I was just thinking....
I have so many stuffed animals its not even funny. I also have lots of dolls. (FYI: I don't need anymore). Yes...if I have a boy, he will be able to play with dolls, just as my girl would be able to play with trains, trucks, and cars. I think dress up is also a great game and would not put restrictions on such creative and imaginative play. Play and experimentation with opposite gendered items is indicative of a creative, imaginative child who is not afraid to learn...and the only way we learn is through experience and manipulation with things. How would a child learn about caring if they are not given a baby doll to care for? How would a child learn about movement on wheels if not encouraged to roll cars across the floor? Anyways...I was just thinking....because I think that many people who are not exposed to children and their ways of learning are scared to expose them to certain 'societal' activities reserved for one gender or the other. I think it is dangerous to impose limitations on a child's interest for fear that they would develop a less than wonderful and confident view of themselves....and also of your view of them. I would never want my child to think I only like them if they abide by certain actions or behaviors...I will love them no matter what. I will teach them and expect them to learn appropriate behaviors but never impose limitations on their interests....or emotions...but thats another opinion.
All emotions should be allowed...its the behavior that is caused by certain emotions that will need to be regulated...(by the individual experiencing the emotion). I will teach my child to label and express emotion in a healthy manner but allow them to experience any and all emotions at any time they feel valid. So many people belittle children's emotions..."oh you don't feel like that" or "there's no reason for that" or "not right here". That is damaging to a child's self esteem to put down their true feelings... of which you have no say because you are not them. All you can do is teach them to process the feelings they will inevitably have and to act out on them in a productive manner. All in all, children are their own person. They have feelings and interests and should never be belittled because they are littler than you or of the wrong gender. I feel very strongly about these matters and can only try my best to ensure that I follow up on them. Of course words are easier than actions. Luckily I put these values into effect daily at work...I think its so much easier to 'watch yourself' around other people's children than your own.
I think that Americans have a contradictory view of children: first, children are their parents property in a way, and second, the level of independence we expect from children in this country. Of course I believe that children are accountable to their parents, and eventually to society, for their behaviors, but how can you control something while teaching it independence, a skill necessary for our society. Control is the wrong word, I think should never be used in terms of raising a child. If anyone ever tells or asks me to control my child, I will ask them who is in control of them. My child is a person and is in control of themself, is what I'll say. I can and will teach them how to be in control of themselves but it is impossible (and inhumane if possible) to actually control another being (physically/psychologically/emotionally/etc). That is the first step and comfort of becoming a parent to me! I am not in control of my child and never will be. I will never have to undertake the consequence of their actions....directly. They will. I will be the respected and more knowledgable other who will be in control of myself first, then of teaching my child to respect themself, others, and things. That is something I look forward to actually. I will teach by example and of course through natural consequence. Natural consequences is the biggest teaching tool I have ever seen effectively used. If a child is standing on the couch, for example, and you don't think it is safe, sending them to their room is very unrelated! However, letting them know it is not safe and that they cannot be on the couch unless keeping themselves safe is directly related. Or another sort of natural consequence would be that they fall of the couch and are hurt and/or scared because they were not being safe. Next time they are on the couch they will remember the rules of safety on the couch (not that they might not test you again but...repeat as before). If they had been sent to their room, however, they would never have learned: 1. WHY (which too many people are scared to teach...the only why I feel I have to teach is safety: safety of feelings, other bodies, pets, self, objects...etc...its the fail safe reason that all children understand because feelings, bodies, and objects can all get hurt: If it doesn't fit inot that category: you are no longer disciplining (aka TEACHING) but now you are picking on someone who is smaller than you and less experienced. Why would you do that?), or 2. what would happen in the real world! What else are you preparing a child for?
Anyways...I was just thinking....
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